Precinct13

Saturday, April 28, 2007

This Other Extra Week's Repote

STOLEN APPLE:

Blog Drive resident, 7oneders, reported a stolen apple several weeks ago. Our department workload has slowed down progress on our investigations, but rest assured we have followed up on this report. Our crime scene investigators could not determine if the lost apple was a computer or a edible apple or a little of both.

Our resident Case Profiler, Sprite, has determined that the lost object could have been stolen by a Thief, perhaps a professional or a rank amateur. Other investigators concur. Another Case solved, thanks to the dedication of Precinct 13 personnel.

SOLITARY CONFINEMENT:

Miss Ginger, was arrested Saturday while playing an illegal version of the card game, Solitary. The accused put up a pretty good fight but after being subdued by 12 of our finest officers and a half gallon of mace used, she tamed right down.

However, after twelve hours in lockup, the prosecutor's office sent notification that Solitary is not an illegal game and the department must release Miss Ginger, ASAP. Officer O'Cheese spoke for the department upon her release.., "On the bright side, she will at least know not to play any games that are illegal. Like Parcheesi and Yard Hockey."

SUSPICIOUS FEMALE:

Our officers noticed a suspicious female who seemed to be minding her own business. No one minds their own business, and therefore makes for suspiciousness. After being frisked repeatedly -the suspicious female was released due to lack of evidence and or contraband. Miss Gigglesbee.., we have our eyes on you! Oh Boy! Do we have our eyes on you! Hubba Hubba Hubba

Report filed 11:02 pm by Officer; Daveman
(2) Stool Pigeons * Hard Copy

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Van Gogh?

Sure and there's something mighty strange about all these famous works of art. Art Van Gogh, the real genius behind his big cousin, Vinnie, was a very famous painter and suddenly his very expensive paintings appear on the blogs of people who could never afford them. Something mighty suspicious about these goings-on, to be sure.

How does the chief have enough money to purchase a genuine 3d Art Van Gogh? http://daveman.blogdrive.com/archive/329.html

And while Beej may be blisteringly intelligent, is she, in fact, so succesful that she can afford a whole GALLERY of Van Goghs?

Hmm...Sure and I'll have to be investigating this further...

Report filed 05:45 am by Officer; Da Big Cheese
(3) Stool Pigeons * Hard Copy

Monday, April 09, 2007

This Weeks Report

STOLEN WEB TRAFFIC

A Blog Drive citizen, AncoraImparo reported stolen web traffic on April 6, 2007.., or perhaps 2001.., the records were misplaced. We put in long man hours on this investigation with the very best minds at work and as a result, have come to the following conclusion; Indeed, someone stole her web traffic.

We urge the public to keep an eye out for anyone with more than their fair share of web traffic. Our profiler suggests the perpetrator wears sunshades, has a huge ego.., whoops! Misprint. We meant.., has a large EGGO. Please report suspicious persons at once. We do not take this type of heinous activity lying on our backs. We like to tell our lies standing up as well.

GIANT RABID CAT IN DISGUISE

We ask Blog Drive residents to beware of a giant rabid cat disguised as a wolf. Was last seen at Abby Normal's place chasing terrified kids away from their Easter Egg finds. We at Precinct 13 are very concerned that this cat may start pooping on your lawns. Which may or may not be okay as long as the poop is not bagged, placed on someone's door step and set fire to. If you do see a flaming bag on your porch step - do not step on it to put it out. Use of the hands is much more efficient.

BLOG DRIVE PETS, MENACED

Keep your pets indoors and set up security cams. It seems we have a hostile maniac who bites pet bunnies butts. This is one sick depraved individual. One of our units responded to such a call by a blog drive citizen, Pudge. She had photographic evidence (posted on blog), unfortunately the picture only shows the wound, not the perp. We encourage Blog Drive denizens to watch out for each other in a unified "Neighborhood Brown Noser Comunity Watch" program.

Reminder: if you have any suspicious activity to report - feel free to contact us. We cant be everywhere at once. We could, but the doctors wont prescribe those kinds of drugs. Just furnish the Blog Address and related information.

Report filed 08:39 am by Officer; Daveman
(2) Stool Pigeons * Hard Copy

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

OTHER PUBLIC NOTICE

We have a repreve.., repeating.., we have a reprieve. We are not sure what that means just yet, but we shall see. No, really. We don't know what the word reprieve means, we seldom use it enough in our system ..., well..., you know.

The first one who who tries to explain the word gets thrown in the slammer. Dont not ebben go there.

Report filed 08:26 pm by Officer; Daveman
(3) Stool Pigeons * Hard Copy

Monday, March 26, 2007

PUBLIC NOTICE

Unless there is a massive outpouring of at least 5 people - The Blog Police "Precinct 13" will meet the fate of the wrecking ball. In other words - deleted into blog oblivion.

I really don't have time for this - so if its to be salvaged, I may need a volunteer officer or two to create updated reports (as illustrated in past entries). Any hopefuls would have to understand that there can be NO PROFANITY or objectionable material used. Thats a no-no.

Thats all I gotta said about that.
Salute!

Report filed 03:39 pm by Officer; Daveman
(6) Stool Pigeons * Hard Copy

Monday, March 19, 2007

Todays Report

CHIEF DAVEMAN LOCATED!
Daveman was found passed out behind his own blog in a back alley. Da Big Cheese, looked for evidence of alcoholic beverages and only found an open container of milk with his picture on the back. Investigators believe that Daveman has a weak constitution for milk and.., for lack of a better word.., it made him tipsy. The search has been called off, and a global recall on milk cartons bearing Daveman's likeness have been recalled as a precautionary measure.

ASSAULT ON BLOG-DRIVE CITIZEN

Units responded to a call and filed assault charges on one, Scott. Apparently he assaulted himself when failing to clear a short wall he was leaping. Surgery was required to fix a broken collar bone, but the extra scars and stitches were unexplained by the surgeons. The good news is, Scott now has offers to do remakes of all the popular old Frankenstein movies.

MISSING BLOG-DRIVE CITIZEN

Jerry David Wiseman, has gone missing with no signs of anything anywhere. His entire residency just went "POOF!" as one eye witness said. Another elderly man suggested aliens from the Crab Nebulae kidnapped him. Our head investigator, Da Big Cheese, drew this conclusion. "I know nuh-uh-uh-thing! Hogan! I know, nothing!" Anyone knowing the whereabouts of this Blog-Drive citizen should use the Contact option at the bottom left sidebar and let Chief Daveman know something

Report filed 02:56 pm by Officer; Daveman
(1) Stool Pigeon * Hard Copy

Monday, March 06, 2006

The Milk Carton Campaign

Faith and it's been a long time since anyone has seen the chief. To be sure, the last known record of him is the 24th of February. Have the aliens come back to take him home? What would they want with him? Perhaps Dr. Zachary Smith caused his ship to go off-course? Maybe them blog mafia guys have done something to him?

Anyway, we are starting a milk jug campaign to be sure.

Report filed 05:06 am by Officer; Da Big Cheese
(4) Stool Pigeons * Hard Copy